The Crash

Ok, so the most frightening experience of my life. For the past three weeks or so I have been battling extreme anxiety. I have been trapped in one long debilitating panic attack for days at a time. It started with a perfect storm of stressors (buying/selling house, new carpet, sheet rock, stomach bug, 3rd birthday party, and more) and medication. I started taking a drug to help my milk supply, and a rare side affect of that drug is heightened anxiety and depression. By the 5th day on that drug, I had completely lost myself. Daryl took a day off of work. His mom took a couple days off, and my mom came up on a Thursday to take care of me. I completely lost two days, and spent the better part of two weeks in a fog of anxiety.

Last Sunday when I posted, I had had three clear days and thought the whole episode was behind me. Monday morning came, Daryl left for work, I crashed again, and I spent another week in the fog. Fortunately I don't think last week was as bad as the week before, and I believe that I am continuing to get better. From what I can tell, the stress and medication I was on thrust me into a post pardum depression of sorts. I am working and praying hard to come completely out of it. This has been the most difficult thing I've ever gone through and the most frightening. I have felt at times that I had lost myself and had no idea how to find my way back. I pray that we are on the upswing now.

The love and support we have gotten through this has been amazing. Daryl's mom and my mom along with my aunt have all rearranged their lives to stay with us and take care of both me and our kids. Our small group has prayed with us and for us and brought us meals. They've taken care of my kids when I could barely breath. They have kidnapped me to get me out of the house when all I thought I could do was lay in bed and pray for sleep. One sweet friend drove me to a counseling office without an appointment and sat with me as I cried for help. My women's Bible study group has set up a meal calendar through the next two weeks. And tonight my sister-in-law offered to fly in from Seattle to stay with me.

So how am I now? I feel pretty good. I have a full week of anti anxiety medication under me now, and I have a second actual counseling appointment scheduled for Tuesday. The anti anxiety medication can take up to four weeks to take full affect, but I think that it must be starting to work. I feel clear and out of the fog for the moment. We will see what this next week brings.